Miserable At Best
by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare
Summary: Swirling in a web of lies in a sea of nonexistence, at least Roxas can find solace in the one person that understands, since the other boy also feels out of place in his world. .:. RoxSor oneshot for KyoxSakiFan.


**A/N: Yeah, I don't know why I'm doing this. It's a oneshot for my friend KyoxSakiFan, who is a pretty big shipper of Sora and Roxas. Not super-majorly-huge, but is enough of a shipper that she mentioned that she "wouldn't mind" (translation: DO IT NOW) if I wrote a fanfic about them with her in mind. Now, even though I'm normally more of an AkuRoku and SorKai (or SorMine) shipper, I really like this pairing, too. Maybe it's because Sora and Roxas are already so close in a weird way… Well, whatever the reason, enjoy, Neko-chan (and everyone else)! :D**

**Random note: I usually would refer to Sora or Roxas as "the keyblade wielder", but since they're both in the same fic, I can't or else I will confuse. So if I reuse their names or "blonde/brunette" a lot, I apologize. XD**

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**Mood music: **'These Are The Nights' by Making April, 'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap, or 'Miserable at Best' by Mayday Parade (this is the song that the title is named after)

**Title: **Miserable At Best

**Rating:** K+

**Summary: **Swirling in a web of lies in a sea of nonexistence, at least Roxas can find solace in the one person that understands, since the other boy also feels out of place in his world. .:. RoxSor oneshot for KyoxSakiFan.

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Lately, there has been a lot of tragedy around Sora. He tries to keep an upbeat outlook on life, even through the battles and casualties and tension. A flood of pain washes over him every time he hears of another rise in foes, or that someone dear to him has been wounded or turned into a heartless or killed, or even when he gets turned down by Kairi time and time again.

"Leon died last week," Riku told him once. His face was grave and his teal eyes were dull. "I just found out when I went to visit King Mickey."

Another time, Kairi was the one to tell him. She had tears trailing down her cheeks. "I was told that Ariel's father, King Triton, got turned into a heartless. Apparently, Ursula had a sister, and she had a lot of darkness in her heart. She turned to it and used it against Triton. And, well… they can't get him back."

Sometime in between, Sora had kissed Kairi. He hardly felt the bubbly, warm feeling he thought he would when he did it, and when it was done, only pain came as the redhead shyly told him: "I'm sorry, Sora… I like you, a _lot_, but I think we're better as friends. I don't want to ruin the relationship we have." She didn't want to mention that she was only saying this in a means to protect poor Namine, whom was hugging herself with anguish within Kairi's mind. Kairi never did anything to hurt her Other, and if the sole way to keep her safe was to remain merely friends with Sora, then that's what she was going to do.

And there it is. The hits he keeps taking are causing Sora to slip one notch lower on the frail rope ladder of his spirits every time he's let down. He's always been a chipper kid, but it seems that becoming no longer a kid makes him lose his chipper attitude. He still smiles and laughs, but he's caught himself forcing it much more than once.

Meanwhile, deep inside of Sora's heart, Roxas floats, a dormant piece of soul in a mixture of murky darkness. His facial expression is as equally depressed as Sora's. Half of it if from his Somebody's depression, but half of it is from his own problems.

There's a web of lies that swirls around Roxas; they are lies that he's found the truth to, sure, but that doesn't make them any more comforting. The lies are that he had a life with friends in Twilight Town, that he was once a happy individual when he was with Axel away from the Organization, and that he wouldn't disappear when he merged with Sora.

The truth is, he was never friends with Hayner, Pence, or Olette. He wasn't happy while in the Organization because he doesn't have emotions since he's a Nobody. He did like being with Axel, but that isn't the same as happiness. And then Namine had lied when she said he wouldn't disappear; because as much as he'd like to think otherwise, he knows that he is nothing but a piece of Sora's heart spiraling in a sea of nonexistence. He has no body of his own. In order to exist, you have to make a mark on the world. How can he make a mark if he cannot be seen, heard, or felt?

He wishes that Sora would remember about him. If he remembers, then maybe he will be able to hear Roxas, or and least sense his presence.

One day, it became too much. With the combination of pains from both halves, Sora decides not to leave his room. His mother worries. But he simply ignores her and waits for her to give up and leave him alone. When she does, he curls up into a ball on his bed and allows himself to cry. He bawls, a small wail leaking from his throat as he releases all the stress and pain that has been building for the past few months.

Sympathetically, Roxas lets a few tears run down his own cheeks. He's comforted that someone else understands how it feels to be out of place in the world. He knows that at the moment, Sora doesn't want to belong with anyone or anything. He feels alone, because everything is slowly falling apart. More and more people are becoming lost, and so are more and more of his hopes.

The brunette is eighteen years old and feels no different than a four-year-old. He knows that it's pointless and silly to sob like how he is now, but he doesn't care. He needs to let it out… all of it.

'Sora…' Roxas murmurs next to the boy's ear. 'It will all turn out in the long run. You'll see. One day, you won't have to worry about these things anymore, and all the pain will go away.'

He's able to do this sometimes; he shifts into a faded, see-through version of himself, and stands just outside of Sora's body. He can't walk more than five feet away, lest he'll be returned automatically to the depths of Sora's mind. But he's able to do this much: rub Sora's back in small circles and whisper soothing, empathetic words while the other cries. Somehow, he finds solace in the brunette by comforting him. Maybe that's because Sora feels comforted, even if he doesn't know why? Roxas doesn't know. He's not sure if he cares to know. So long as Sora stops crying and smiles again.

'Please, let him smile… He deserves to smile,' Roxas says to himself.

Slowly, as Sora sinks into the sheets and relaxes his face, the tears cease. He rolls onto his back and stares up at the blank ceiling, the refracted light and shadow making zigzag shapes above him.

Next to him, Roxas sits on his legs and stares down at the other teen. He's glad that Sora stopped crying, but he wishes that the brunette would say something. Anything, as long as it entails that he's going to be okay.

The blonde touches Sora's face, his ghostly fingers barely feeling a thing except warmth. 'Will you be all right now, Sora? You won't do anything stupid, will you?'

He would be crushed if Sora ever resorted to something as cliché and self-destructing as cutting himself or attempting suicide. He doesn't seem to be the type, but it's exactly those cases in which something goes wrong and the worse occurs.

Suddenly, Sora's richly blue eyes pan over to the window, in which Roxas sits in front of. He lifts his head slightly and stares hard. There's something bending the light and casting a fraction of a shadow over him. What's sitting there?

Roxas's head jerks backwards a bit in astonishment. 'Sora, what are you looking at?' he asks. 'Can… can you see me?'

There's a trace of color that shouldn't be there, the brunette realizes. Golden yellow, peach, and blue… along with a spot of red, tan, and black. Why are those colors so familiar? And why are they getting clearer the more he stares at them? They're taking shape, like blurred blotches coming into focus after you adjust the lens of a camera.

'You can see me, can't you?' Roxas whispers in shock. He holds up his hand and waves it in front of Sora's face as an odd smile creeps onto his lips. 'Helloooo~'

"Who… are you?" Sora gasps once the colors take on the unmistakable form of a boy his age.

Roxas's smile falls. 'I thought you wouldn't recognize me. I'm Roxas, remember?'

But Sora is still unable to hear him. He sees moving lips, but hears not a sound emitting from them. He sits up and faces the blonde, his blue eyes searching the other's. Sora reaches out to touch the other boy, but his hand passes right through the transparent colors as if in slow motion. It feels like thick, cold water, only without the wetness. "Wait… you're Roxas, aren't you? I-I think I remember someone, but…"

'That's right,' Roxas replies, his voice thin. 'You do. And you said that you wanted to meet me and get to know me. If you can see me right now, then…' "Now's your chance," he says, his voice suddenly fuller.

"I… I hear you! I can actually hear you!" Sora bursts out with a smile lighting up his tear-stained features. He leans forward a bit. "What do you mean, 'now's my chance'? To do what?"

"You can hear me now?" Roxas says curiously. "Strange… you never could before."

"It doesn't matter, so long as I can hear you now. And see you. This is crazy, but amazing. I've always wanted to talk to you, Roxas, but I never really got the chance. Except for that one time when Namine showed up before Riku and I fought with Xemnas…" A light bulb turns on. "Hang on. Is that what you meant by 'now's my chance'? Now is my chance to talk to you?"

Roxas nods. "Yeah, that's what I said." He cocks his head at the brunette. "So you really can see and hear me, huh? I can't tell you how long I've wanted this to happen." He sighs and looks forlornly at Sora. "Now that you can, I want you to know that I've been here for you all along. A second ago, I was comforting you while you cried. I don't know the full story about why, but I have a good idea. Please, Sora… you have to promise me that you won't let the world's circumstances get to you. Axel taught me that." Roxas pauses in thought. "You were always so optimistic before; where'd it go?"

Sora glances at his bed sheets. "It left along with what I used to think was my place in the world." He dares to peer into his Nobody's eyes, exactly like his own. "I'm miserable at best, I guess. It's pretty pathetic."

"No, not pathetic," Roxas argues with a shake of his head. "It's natural. I understand how you feel; after all, I'm part of you. And being nothing but a figment makes me understand better than anyone what it's like to not have a place in the world anymore."

The brunette smiles faintly. "Thanks, Roxas. I'm glad someone understands." He tilts his head at his other and reaches out a hand. His fingertips make contact with something like misty water vapor, cold and obscure. He frowns. "Isn't there a way to make you more solid? You used to be… and we even fought in that sanctuary-like place with the stained glass floor. I could feel you, as real as my own body. Why can't you be like that now?"

"You're asking me?" Roxas retorts. He throws his hands up as if surrendering. "I have no clue."

"Hmm," Sora muses aloud, "There has to be a way. You're part of me, aren't you? So why can't I make you solid myself?"

"If you think about it," Roxas murmurs, "You're only able to see and hear me now because you wanted to. So, logically, if you wished hard enough for us to be face-to-face in the flesh, we could be."

This brightens Sora's demeanor. "You really think so?"

"It's worth a shot."

With a determined nod, Sora gets up from his bed and stands in front of his Other. He closes his eyes are tries to hard to imagine his hands reaching out and touching Roxas's cheek and feeling it as warm and soft as his own face. Eyes still locked together, he lifts his arms and stretches out his fingers, waiting to come in contact with solid flesh.

Dizzying dreams become brilliant reality when Sora's fingertips graze a texture that can only be Roxas's blonde hair. His eyes pop open in shock as he stares into vivid blue irises as real as his own. A smile forms on his lips. "It worked," he breathes. "Now we're actually together."

Roxas looks down at himself. It's like waking from a miserable existence to find heaven, or something close to it. He smiles minutely and leans up to touch Sora's chocolate locks, like a mirror image following what it's projection had done.

"Amazing," Roxas says when his hand falls to his side. "I never thought…"

As his words drift off, Sora sits back down on the bed, his eyes never leaving his Other's. His goofy smile is still planted on his face, and the tear stains have nearly vanished. "Roxas," he says slowly, "Would you think I'm crazy if I said this is the best thing that's ever happened to me?"

"I wouldn't call you crazy," Roxas replies slowly, "But I would ask what the hell you mean."

Sora's eyes pan over to his hands, which are picking balls of lint off of an old blanket of his. "I mean… lately, nothing has been going very well. I've been kind of, er, lonely. But I in the back of my mind knew that I wasn't really alone, because you're there, deep down. You always are, even if I forget about you for a while. Right?"

Roxas nods sadly. "Yeah, I'm always here. You just have to look for me."

"Well, I finally found you," Sora states matter-of-factly. "So could you do me a favor and stay with me tonight?"

Roxas blinks but finds himself nodding again. "Uh… sure." The need in Sora's eyes is enough to persuade him. As long as Sora needs him here, he'll stay. Where else is he supposed to go, anyway? Axel and Demyx and Xion or anyone else remotely close to a friend that he had is now gone; Sora is all there is left. But Roxas doesn't mind; the way he sees it, Sora is enough. Sora's cutesy actions, Sora's blissful ignorance, Sora's ability to be serious and strong when he has to be… it's like a mixture of everything Roxas has ever known in another person. Maybe it's because he knows Sora best, but it could be because Sora has so many sides to him.

They spend an hour into the night merely talking to one another, getting out their inner pains and finding solace in the fact that the opposite understands. At the end of the hour, they're lying side by side on Sora's bed, both their hands laced behind their heads, gazing up at the ceiling.

"Do you want to sneak out to the island?" Roxas suggests.

"But what if I get in trouble?" Sora ventures timidly.

Roxas smirks. "You won't. Besides, who cares if you do? You were gone for months on end when you were out saving lives and destroying Heartless. I don't think your mother will mind."

"You have a point there," the brunette sighs. He sits up. "Alright. Let's go, then."

The two boys shut off Sora's light and slip out his back window. They tread down to the docks and with a jolt of excited adrenaline that only comes with doing deeds you know are forbidden, they shed their shirts and choose to swim out to the little island full of too many memories to count.

Laughing the whole way, Sora's spirits lift completely, and he feels as though he is flying through air instead of swimming through water. Beside him, his Other smiles thinly. They turn their watery escapade into a race, and push water behind them as fast as they can to see who is the better. They ultimately land on the shore inside of a crashing wave. The water rolls around them and retreats back into the ocean as they lie on their backs, panting for breath.

"Who won? I can't tell," Sora wonders aloud as he glances over at Roxas.

The blonde shakes his head. "No one won. We tied."

Sora snorts. "Well that's no fun. We should have a do-over."

Roxas rolls over onto his side away from Sora and forces himself into sitting position. "Maybe later. I'm too tired to go swimming again. What is this, a triathlon?"

The brunette laughs and scrambles to his feet. "No, but we could make it one."

Roxas raises an eyebrow at Sora before casting his gaze on the shining moon and twinkling stars. "Where did all this energy come from? I can hardly keep up with you." He stands begins to pace down the sandy beach, the moon casting a dimly blue shadow on the water's edge.

Sora jogs to keep up and soon falls in step next to him. "I dunno where my abundance of energy came from. Maybe having you around brought it back."

"If that's the case," Roxas states offhandedly, "Then maybe I should stay a while."

"I hope you do," Sora murmurs lowly, almost to himself. But in the salty breeze Roxas catches the four simple words and smiles at the despite himself.

"I hope I can stay. It gets lonely, being nonexistent, what with me being the thick void that in your heart and all."

It's meant to be a joke, but the comment stirs a pool of sadness in the pit of Sora's stomach. He never thought about how empty Roxas must feel at times, being isolated and unable to interact with others. If the positions were reversed, Sora would go insane. He's dependant on his friends' company. Sora hates to be alone, and if someone who is part of him is alone, he can only imagine the pain that would naturally come with it.

On a whim, Sora leans over and drapes his arms around Roxas's shoulders as they walk around the perimeter of the island. The Nobody stops walking. "Sora…?" he whispers, confused. He doesn't understand what the random hug is for.

The brunette tightens his grip slightly. "I'm sorry, Roxas. I'm sorry that I temporarily forgot about you and cast you into such a place. I'm sorry that I made you feel lonely…"

Gently, Roxas shakes off his Somebody and offers a small grin. "It wasn't so bad, honest. Don't worry about it. You're here now, and that's all that matters to me."

Sora blinks, a bit surprised with Roxas kindness. Slowly, a grin returns to his lips and he takes Roxas's hand. "I want to show you something," he says in a mischievous tone.

"Show me what?" Roxas questions as he's dragged along the shore, his fingers caught up in Sora's hand. The brunette of the two leads them into the denser part of the island, past a collection of jungle-like trees and a waterfall. Then, around a bend and into the shadows of the night, there stands a small opening. The two slip inside, and enter a cave covered with vines, dripping water, and chalky doodles. Roxas's pace slows as recognition flashes in his eyes. "I know this place… it's the secret hideout only you, Kairi and Riku know about."

Sora nods. He places his hand delicately on one of the rocky walls, the cool roughness coming into contact with his slightly calloused palm. From years before, the damp scent of that sick, strange darkness that crept up on him when he was twelve seeps into Sora's nose. He waves it away and steps away from the wall. Kneeling down in front of on the far wall, he picks up a stone and holds it up to Roxas. "Let's leave a mark on Time."

Without having to ask, Roxas knows what he means: 'let's scratch something on the wall that won't fade for hundreds of years to come.' It's like Xemnas's wish to be eternal, except in a much different light.

Roxas takes the stone from Sora's hand and sits down beside him. He watches as Sora feels around for a stone of his own, his hands accidentally brushing against Roxas's thigh for a fleeting moment. The Nobody tenses, an odd sensation flowing through his spine for a second. It reminds him of how Axel used to make him feel…

Sora locates a stone, and with a smile, he faces the wall and brings his stone down against the darker, damper rock. The scraping noise rattles and lingers in Roxas's skull long after Sora is done with his miniature drawing. It's a picture of Oathkeeper, one of Sora's multiple keyblades. It's angled diagonally towards Roxas. That's when the blonde understands that he's meant to draw Oblivion. The dark and the light… himself and Sora. It's symbolic, and quite clever of the brunette. So Roxas leans forward and sketches the black blade with his charcoal rock, it's dark hue contrasting greatly with Sora's white streaks and the blue-grey of the rock wall.

When the drawing is complete, they write their names below each keyblade and lean back on their hands to admire their work. Sora breaks the silence first. "You draw better than I do. Why is that?"

Roxas shrugs. "I guess I inherited more of the artistic talent. We're supposed to be two halves of a whole, so each half gets a different piece. Part of mine must be the artsy piece."

Sora lays back and puffs out his cheeks in a pouting manner. "No fair."

Roxas chuckles and lays down with the other teen, his arms behind his head like Sora's, their elbows bumping. "Life isn't fair," he says automatically. His voice drifts off as he gazes up at the moon through the gap at the top of the cave.

A comfortable, sleepy silence falls between them like a velvet curtain. Sora closes his eyes and thinks about how he's never been more content in his life. Somehow, he feels more complete with Roxas by his side. Is this because they are a pair, a match set of Nobody and Somebody? Or does it go further than that? Sora isn't sure when the lines began to blur, but he doesn't mind it. It feels… safer this way. Less full of heartbreak and sorrow.

"Roxas?" he calls out softly after God knows how many minutes have passed.

"Yeah?"

"Would it be alright if we camped out here for a few days? I don't want to go back home. There's too much bussing around me at home, and I'm getting tired of it. It's simpler here with you."

Roxas blinks and props himself up on his elbow to peer down into Sora's eyes, which appear midnight blue in the dimness of the night. "What's going on, Sora? You're acting so bizarre."

Sora rolls over to face his Nobody. He props his head up with his hand and looks Roxas in the eyes. "I don't know how to put it, Roxas. All I know is, I don't want anyone else around me right now. There's been too much going on, and I want an escape. You are that escape," he explains. "You and this place," he adds with a hand gesture at the cave surrounding them.

An indescribable glow fills Roxas upon hearing this. Anyone else might react poorly, but Roxas understands. His face softens. "Thank you, Sora," he says, not sure exactly what he's thanking the other for, only that he must thank him. Then, he smiles. "Hold still for a moment, will you? I want to… try an escape method."

The brunette is tempted to ask what Roxas means, but he obeys without question and stills himself, even though he was already very still. He studies Roxas, wondering what he has planned.

His half-heart running laps in his ribcage, Roxas lifts a hand to skim the side of Sora's face like he had earlier that evening. This time, he can feel the peach fuzz on the brunette's cheek and the blush under his skin, as well as the softness of the lingering baby fat, even though Sora is eighteen now. Timidly, he brings his face closer to Sora's, his breath passing over his Somebody's face as they both close their eyes. Within seconds, their lips collide.

When Sora kissed Kairi, there was no bright, bubbly feeling like he expected. But with Roxas kissing him… that awaited feeling drifts into his chest and explodes out his mouth. Maybe it was a little messed up to be kissing a part of himself, but in his mind, he and Roxas couldn't be more separate.

As the kissing grew in depth and their hands became more feverish, one couldn't help but wonder what will become of them in the morning. Roxas hopes that he'll still be here, since he doesn't know how long this imagined body of his will last. And Sora hopes that no one will come looking for him, or find him; he wants to stay where he there is solace, and that's right in Roxas's arms. The blonde feels the same.

No matter what the outcome, it seems that neither of them will ever be more than miserable, at best. But if being miserable is the best, then they pray for the worst, since in this moment in time heated by touch and heightened by taste, they have found the smallest, purest form of bliss.


End file.
